My To-DID list

I am so busy! It's every mom's motto. And for us, it's good, because my being busy means business is good. It's really good. As a matter of fact, it's great! Orders for signs, wall stickers, tutus and bows have been coming in on a daily basis. Orders mean money and money means we get to eat. Alright, it's not that drastic, actually we're saving up the money my business brings in for Christmas and to send Andy to China next summer. I just need a break from him, so I figure sending him to roam amongst 1.6 billion people is just the ticket. Okay, that's not true. Actually, he has the opportunity to go to China for two weeks with a group from the Engineering college to study some of the amazing structures the country houses.

Anyway, back to the crazy schedule. I've been going to bed late every night for the past week, but when I lay down it's not just my head hitting the pillow. I bring with me a TON of guilt. I feel guilty because I had to spend time, while the kids were awake, working (read past blogs about my guilt issues) and I feel guilty for everything I didn't do. I have big plans for every day, I even make a list in my head. But at the end of the day, when I mentally check things off, I realize how few checkmarks I make. So, I roll those things over to the next day, and the next day... and the next. Un-checkmarked tasks just rollin', rollin', rollin' through my head... making me a bit crazy. There are three loads of unfolded laundry sitting in my living room right now. My refrigerator needs to be cleaned out. Our room looks like a 2 1/2-year-old ran through it. Oh wait, one did. Ava's room needs curtains. Jax's room needs vinyl. The list goes on...

Tonight, as I was lamenting out loud about all I hadn't accomplished, Andy reminded me of something President Monson said at General Conference this weekend. Basically, loads of laundry will always be there, even in 20 years. Instead of worrying about the laundry, enjoy now!

So, I began making another checklist in my head, instead of the things I need to do or haven't done, I started thinking about things I DID do today...

1. Taught Ava about her sense of hearing. We've been working on her five senses. Each day I explain how each works and we do a coordinating activity. She loves it! And she understands it. Today, as I was talking to her (long after her lesson) she very methodically placed one hand over each ear and said, "Mommy, I can't hear you. I'm blocking the sound waves."

2. Worked on several custom designs for customers.

3. Played in the backyard with the kids... got my feet wet with dew and searched for leaves.

4. Sang "Patty-Cake" about a gazillion times. Jax loves it and I'm a sucker for his big gummy, cheeky smile!

5. Got the kids some winter clothes... and subsequently mentally prepared myelf, just a little more, for a Utah winter.

6. Took a nap. See above about the lack of sleep. It was necessary, otherwise, my camera could end up in the crisper... again.

7. Played puppets with Ava and Jax. I was the seahorse and the whale, Ava the shark and the bird. Jax just tried to eat them.

8. Took a quiz to find out which 90210 character I am. Hey, I didn't say I was always productive with my time. I'm Donna, by the way.

9. Made dinner. I do it every night, but it's still an accomplishment.

10. Hung out with the fam tonight.

My list of "DIDS" isn't long. I didn't accomplish, many or even one HUGE task. But all the little things add up. And when I look at the list, I realize just how many of those "DIDS" involve my family. The DID NOTS aren't people. They're inanimate objects. They'll still be there tomorrow. Well, except the laundry I'm definitely folding that tonight. But nothing will change tomorrow. My kids will. They'll be a day older. So will Andy and I. So, I'm going to live for now. That's not to say I'm going to let the dishes pile up, but instead of budgeting my time around chores and business, I'm going to budget around kids and husband. That way, my to-do list is always full of checks.

Mommy ADD

I'm having a tough time focusing these days. My brain is all over the place. A great amount of my daily attention stores are spent on the kids, as it should be, but I've found that I just don't have enough attention power left over to distribute equally to everything else in my life. So, I try to cheat and give multiple things my attention at the same time, which kind of defeats the purpose. It's like in high school (and maybe even college) when you use the largest font, something like Comic Sans, and then bump it up to a 14 point so it appears like you wrote more or at least met the required page count. Oh, don't even pretend you didn't do that. Anyway, that's what's going on in my head. I have a million things to do every day, but I just don't have the attention span necessary to complete it all, so I bump up the font and try to cheat. And in the meantime, I forget something along the way. Today, I sat at the computer, feeding Jax, writing invoices and eating lunch. Ava was going potty. She finishes her business and calls to me to come wipe her (you get used to it). So, I detach Jax, he starts screaming, I set him down, he screams more, I take care of Ava, Jax is still screaming, I get Jax, Ava asks me to read to her, we sit and read (and I finish feeding Jax), then we go play dress-up. Oh my goodness, look at the time, Jax is rubbing his eyes, Ava has that look on her face... naptime! I put the kids down, Andy comes home from school, I need a nap. But there's a rumbling in my tummy... did I finish lunch?

So goes my day. I'm beginning to think I have a severe case of Mommy ADD, or is it ADHD? I never know the difference. Do all Mommy's suffer from this problem? Is it diagnosed? Like I said, I focus on the really important things - my kids. But when it comes to everything else, I'm fidgety and... I should probably disclose that right now I am watching "That 70's Show" and it's taken me like 20 minutes to write this much. Case in point.

I have never had a hard time focusing. I used to be in the zone. Start a task, complete a task, move on. Next! I'm so out of the zone now I can't even see the zone. I can't even see the entrance to the zone. The zone is a dot! Now, I'm like a fidgety five year old jumping around on the way to the zone, but I'm never gonna get there because, oh look, there's something shiny. Get the idea?

Okay, so I don't think I'll ever be in the zone again. I've officially left the zone. And that's okay. Because I was danced out of the zone by the two most adorable little dance partners. And when it comes to them, I know all the steps. I have tunnel vision. Sure, maybe while we're dancing we'll take a break to look at bugs, or change diapers or learn about the sense of smell. But then, we'll just keep dancing.