I'm having a tough time focusing these days. My brain is all over the place. A great amount of my daily attention stores are spent on the kids, as it should be, but I've found that I just don't have enough attention power left over to distribute equally to everything else in my life. So, I try to cheat and give multiple things my attention at the same time, which kind of defeats the purpose. It's like in high school (and maybe even college) when you use the largest font, something like Comic Sans, and then bump it up to a 14 point so it appears like you wrote more or at least met the required page count. Oh, don't even pretend you didn't do that. Anyway, that's what's going on in my head. I have a million things to do every day, but I just don't have the attention span necessary to complete it all, so I bump up the font and try to cheat. And in the meantime, I forget something along the way. Today, I sat at the computer, feeding Jax, writing invoices and eating lunch. Ava was going potty. She finishes her business and calls to me to come wipe her (you get used to it). So, I detach Jax, he starts screaming, I set him down, he screams more, I take care of Ava, Jax is still screaming, I get Jax, Ava asks me to read to her, we sit and read (and I finish feeding Jax), then we go play dress-up. Oh my goodness, look at the time, Jax is rubbing his eyes, Ava has that look on her face... naptime! I put the kids down, Andy comes home from school, I need a nap. But there's a rumbling in my tummy... did I finish lunch?
So goes my day. I'm beginning to think I have a severe case of Mommy ADD, or is it ADHD? I never know the difference. Do all Mommy's suffer from this problem? Is it diagnosed? Like I said, I focus on the really important things - my kids. But when it comes to everything else, I'm fidgety and... I should probably disclose that right now I am watching "That 70's Show" and it's taken me like 20 minutes to write this much. Case in point.
I have never had a hard time focusing. I used to be in the zone. Start a task, complete a task, move on. Next! I'm so out of the zone now I can't even see the zone. I can't even see the entrance to the zone. The zone is a dot! Now, I'm like a fidgety five year old jumping around on the way to the zone, but I'm never gonna get there because, oh look, there's something shiny. Get the idea?
Okay, so I don't think I'll ever be in the zone again. I've officially left the zone. And that's okay. Because I was danced out of the zone by the two most adorable little dance partners. And when it comes to them, I know all the steps. I have tunnel vision. Sure, maybe while we're dancing we'll take a break to look at bugs, or change diapers or learn about the sense of smell. But then, we'll just keep dancing.